Signs

I met with a lovely woman today to talk about adoption. She and her husband don't have children, and her heart is open to adoption, but she felt paralyzed by decision making and the length of the timeline. By the end of our long conversation, two questions remained:

1. What if the child doesn't feel like mine?

2. Unlike other people on this journey, I haven't seen a sign or heard directly from God that this is what we should do. Do we proceed anyway?

These are two of the most repeated questions I hear; this post is directed towards question two. I ask for grace, because although Autumn is quickly making way for winter, my favorite spot on our front stoop still calls me, and I'm writing with my heavy winter workout jacket on and black gloves. But, rest assured, there is a hot cup of coffee next to me!

Question number two is an excellent one because it applies to more than just adoption and foster care. There is a segment of Christians who rely heavily on signs and wouldn't move forward on any decision unless they had one. 

This frightens me. God has absolutely used signs in the past to demonstrate His will, and is free to do so now. However, God has also provided His people with His Word and made it very clear how we should act in the face of injustice. He is a God who cares deeply about the refugee, the immigrant, the widow, the poor, and the orphan, and it's safe to say that He would support any movement towards their betterment.

Yes, I have friends in the adoption and foster care world whose journey is scattered with beautiful signs that they should continue moving forward. However, these signs are not necessary for you to move forward in peace. 

I also love hearing stories about how God moved mightily and directed clearly. But this is how He worked in our stories: He kept opening doors. When you adopt, hundreds of doors need to open in order for your child to come home to you. God has ample time, resources and opportunity to simply close one of them in order to redirect you. There are several children we pursued who never became a part of our family, either because a birth parent chose to parent, or trusted friends and counselors warned us against moving forward. Timelines have changed and shifted and been thrown out the window entirely, as an international move invalidated our home study, or an adoption agency we were working with closed its doors. 

God doesn't have to be flashy to move sovereignly. While it's wonderful to receive confirmation regarding an important decision, we already know that God is in favor of adoption. Our last two children came home to us because they were the first sibling set I saw in the age-range we were looking for. Their smiles were beautiful, so I clicked on their picture and talked to our social worker about their file within a week. God didn't verbally tell me they were our children. I looked at them and smiled. That's it. 

One and a half years later, God was still opening doors and they came home to us. Since then, we have had much laughter, and many tears. We have had days when it's been worth it, and days when it hasn't. But that's parenthood. My children came home to us because God called us to each other. We share the same house and the same last name, not because God did many signs to make our decision clear, but because He silently cleared the path that led us to them. 

For those who have been through an adoption process, you know: that is a miracle in and of itself.