Canceled

I have never canceled a birthday party in our house due to behavior. Illness, yes - as winter birthdays on the cusp of spring rarely go off without a hitch. But for behavior? Never.

Having grown up with only four birthday parties in total between my sister and me (that I can remember), I wanted my children to have a party every year. And with six of my eight children coming to us through adoption, I wanted to ensure that they knew they were worthy, loved and celebrated to the hilt. For Matías, I knew his party would need to be short, so I scheduled it for just one hour. And I knew it had to be small, so we invited only four families.

But two days before his birthday party, we had a family movie night. It went better than most. We didn't argue over the movie; Annie, our goldendoodle, hadn't eaten too much of anyone's leftovers; I only heard two kids whisper-shout “shut-up!” to each other as we watched. (If whisper-shout isn't a real word, it should be). Yet when the movie ended and Matías merely needed to walk up the stairs and get into bed, he couldn't do it. His actual birthday the day before had been too much. He blew candles out at breakfast and after dinner, gave out bracelets to his classmates in honor of his special day, received hand-drawn cards from all of them, and opened three presents from us. We tried to make his birthday beautiful but simple, yet his dysregulation lasted for days. Thirty-six hours before the fiesta I sent out this text:

Hi dearest friends, we need to postpone Matias' birthday party. Maybe we can do it in six months when he is eight and a half? There is just no way he is capable of getting through it right now, and I'm sorry to have reserved your precious Sunday afternoons. Love you all, please pray for Mati (and us 😉)

I am still amazed I had to send this text. I'm also amazed that I had the fortitude to tell him that his party was no longer happening because of his behavior. Yet with this awe, I hold out trepidatious hope. In the six months that he has been home, we have seen major improvements. Could we, in another six months, see even more gains? I believe it's possible, and I hope that with continued routines, clear consequences, and improved English, we will be able to take the only party we have had to cancel and turn it into a glorious celebration.