Big

I have a little girl with BIG feelings. She's always been like this, and I pray it will serve her well someday. Yet, after two large tearful tantrums yesterday, I heard her say something that I knew I needed to correct. "Why do bad things always happen to me?" she shouted as tears streamed down her freckled face. 

With my husband overseas on business, I had her snuggle next to me in bed that night and we talked. "Honey, bad things happen because life is hard, but the thing that makes these situations so much harder is your response to them."

As I spoke, I realized that this was a reminder, not just for my seven-year-old, but for me as well. Sometimes, bad things do happen to us that we don't like and can't prevent. But often, our reaction is what makes a relatively minor situation much more difficult. 

Being that it's Advent, we had a very full weekend. On Saturday, we threw a Christmas breakfast for our little girls, saw a Christmas Carol matinee, and then went out to eat at an Irish pub where Abuelo was playing. Any of those things on a typical Saturday would have been enough for our more dysregulated kiddos. But doing all three things (!), without my husband (!), and staying out past bedtime (!), was nearly a suicide mission. 

Not only did we make it through the day, we enjoyed ourselves. It truly was the second Christmas miracle of the season (the first being that we decorated our tree without breaking any ornaments). The next day, a friend texted me to say what a pleasure it was to see us, and "my - were your children well behaved!"

Although that might be the first and last time I ever get a text like that, I knew as I talked to my teary-eyed daughter that it very well could have been a day full of disasters. And if it had - my response to them would have been the only thing that mattered.

When you are a parent to kiddos from hard places or with special needs, their behaviors/mishaps/dirty underwear/disciplinary write-ups/grades etc etc etc, are not a reflection of who we are as parents. I'm not a good mama because there were no disasters on a busy Saturday during Christmastime, nor am I a bad mama because the middle school principal has our cell phone number memorized. 

Our reaction to our children is what matters most. If I had to carry a screaming child out of the theater, but did so with a calm heart and compassion for my child, it would have been okay. If my son threw an empty plate onto the ground in the restaurant because he wanted more food, and I calmly helped the waitress clean up the mess, it would have been okay.

Whether your seven-year-old needs this reminder, or just you, remember, bad things do happen - life is so hard sometimes. The bad things however, don't reflect how good of a job we're doing with any of it. I'm thankful for Philippians 4:7's declaration, that "the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." This says that I have help in controlling my response to the situations around me. God's peace, not my own strength, guards my heart and mind as I learn to see and respond to my children with His perspective.